What I’ve learned during lockdown

71 Things I’ve learned during lockdown

Okay, okay so 71 things I’ve learned isn’t quite as pleasing as 100 or 50, it’s making my bum squeaky too but it’s just what has spilled from my overactive brain. Truth is, I’ve found these past five weeks both incredibly hard and ridiculously joyous in almost equal measures. There have been times when I’ve wanted to scream into a pillow and times when my heart has felt like it’s going to burst it’s been that full. And truth be told, I’ve been a bit unsure about sharing the joy, are we allowed to be enjoying ourselves during these impossible times? So, I’ve taken a moment to sit down in-between being asked for snacks and loading the dishwasher (again) to put down the things that I’ve learned over the past few weeks. Hopefully, it’ll make you smile because, lets’ face it, that’s one of the most important things right now, right?

Here goes.

1. I think about food a LOT.
2. The dishwasher is my BFF.
3. For the first time ever I’ve been worried about my future.
4. I love my husband far more that I thought I did. Phew.
5. I’ve cried as many happy tears as I have sad.
6. Dogs are the best kind of people.
7. We consume enough milk to warrant investing in an actual cow.
8. I’m definitely not as sociable as I thought I was.
9. There is global overuse of the word unprecedented.
10. I now know how to spell the word unprecedented.
11. There isn’t one cell in my body that has missed pulling teeth out.
12. There will absolutely be things that I don’t want to go back to.
13. My kids eat a lot, I’m basically a vending machine.
14. I’d give anything to be able to give my mum a squeeze.
15. I need a lot less to be happy.
16. Right now, it’s a lot easier to look back than it is forward.
17. No matter how many times you open the fridge door what’s in it doesn’t change.
18. My kids have the ability to use at least 4 cups a day each. That’s 16 receptacles in 24 hours.
19. We get through a LOT of bog roll.
20. Having said that, I’d choose empty shelves of toilet roll over empty wine shelves.
21. Sitting down feels really bloody good.
22. I now know who Laura Kuenssberg is. Busy busy Laura. #Lauraneedaholiday
23. Working out what day of the week it is takes more brain power than solving algebra equations.
24. Consequently, every day is Blursday.
25. Beige is our most used food group.
26. It’s entirely acceptable to feed the kids cereals for any meal.
27. Airport drinking rules seem to apply, who cares what time it is right?
28. It turns out jeans definitely aren’t as comfy as I thought they were.
29. Zoom conversations basically involve everyone talking loudly and then apologising for interrupting. ‘No, you go first’.
30. Every message gets signed off ‘stay safe’.
31. Turns out, exercise IS good for you.
32. Homeschooling is a pile of gash. The end.
33. I’ve become very good at hiding the quite frankly shameful amount of bottles for recycling.
34. Every meal starts with chopping an onion.
35. You can never have too many onions. See above.
36. Pleasing everyone is physically impossible.
37. Turns out fat girls can run.
38. I keep thinking about food.
39. I wish I had shares in Netflix.
40. Bras are overrated.
41. I have much lower snackspectations than I used to. I’ll settle for a dry cracker and a wrinkled satsuma nowadays.
42. Podcasts aren’t shit. Who knew?
43. Politicians continue to talk guff.
44. Time is bendy. Hours are short, days are long, weeks fly, months never end.
45. The washing piles seem to have multiplied like wet Gremlins.
46. It seems that a massive global disaster makes all of my other worries disappear.
47. I still hate tidying up.
48. All of those things I was going to achieve in lockdown remain unticked on that list.
49. I still can’t play the piano.
50. I’m still not fluent in French.
51. My drawers and cupboards remain completely unsorted.
52. Folk can be amazing.
53. Folk can also be absolute twunts.
54. MarioKart isn’t as easy as it was in student halls of residence.
55. As an avid hugger this is actual torture.
56. Houseparty notifications make me want to throw my phone at the wall.
57. I can waste a lot of time watching biscuits being iced on Instagram.
58. Turns out the Instagram explore page did know what I wanted to see after all.
59. My dog is more obedient than my kids.
60. I didn’t think it was possible for my house to get more chaotic than it was. I was wrong.
61. Lockdown has been spell checked to lickdown too many times to count. Ironic since it’s been a very long time since the latter.
62. The dog will definitely have separation anxiety when we go back to “normal”.
63. Baking is my therapy.
64. Baking may also be my path to diabetes.
65. My make up is feeling incredibly unloved and lonely.
66. I’ve forgotten what silence sounds like.
67. Part of the government emergency fund should absolutely be issued for sofa cleaning. Mine are now harbouring more toxic material than a sneeze.
68. It appears that somebody fertilised my grey hairs.
69. My mojo is as unpredictable as my pelvic floor.
70. The thought of social interaction now terrifies me.
71. I’m still thinking about food.

There you go, a little window into my lickdown life (see what I did there). Would love to know what you’ve learned too. Be kind folks, it’s the single most important thing right now and a HUGE thank you to the real super heroes. The carers, the delivery drivers, the posties, the supermarket workers, the teachers, the police force, the volunteers and all of the other key workers. You are all freaking awesome.

Stay safe!